January 2017 Latest SMS...........

………..JANUARY 2017 SMS……

May you be happy and healthy;
May you be contented and wealthy;
May your future be bright and all happiness come to your doorstep.
Wish you a very Happy Birthday
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On this special day, let's promise our motherland that we will do everything to enrich and preserve our heritage, our ethos and our treasure.
Wish you all a Happy Republic Day.....!!!
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You are your inspiration;
You are your solution;
And you are your motivation.....!!!
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Don't depend too much on anyone in this world.
Because even your shadow leaves you when you're in darkness.....!!!
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Night is a dreamland of smile, fantasy, comfort meant to enjoy the luxury of sleep.
Good Night.....!!!
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Working for success will make you a Master;
But working for satisfaction will make you a Legend.
Good Morning.....!!!
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Maine Kal Socha Sharab Chhod Dun, Phir Yaad Aaya Ki....
Nashe Mein Faisla Lena Theek Nahi.....!!!

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Thought of the day:
A bachelor can only chase a girl until she catches him.....!!!
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Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your clothes.....!!!

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Why did Frosty the Snowman want a divorce?
He thought his wife was a flake.....!!!

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My phone's low battery warning is the only warning I take it seriously

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Parents asked college watchman, "Is this a good college?" 

Watch man: Probably the best. I did my MBA here and got campus placement.....!!!
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Using the digits 1 to 9, create two numbers which when multiplied together give you the highest number.
For example, 12345678 * 9 = 111111102, clearly there are higher products. What is the highest?

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With knowledge we know the words;
But with experience we know their meaning.
Good Morning.....!!!

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During Maths Class:
Teacher: Pappu, tell me what is the value of X?
Pappu: Sir, Jaan Thi Wo Meri.....!!!

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Every mother generally hopes that her daughter will snag a better husband than she managed to do... but she's certain that her boy will never get as great a wife as his father did.....!!!
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Girlfriend: Mujhe Aise Propose Karo Jaise Aaj Tak Kisi Ne Na Kiya Ho.
Boyfriend: Kutti, Kamini, Zaleel, I Love You. Mujhse Shaadi Karke Mujhe Tabah Kar De Nagin, Ab To Haan Kar De Chudail.....!!!

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Real friends don't get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.....!!!

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My nights are longer than my days, since I am not by your side;
But it's all worth it - dreaming about you, wakes me up with a smile mile wide.
Good Night.....!!!

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In the journey of life, we pass pleasures and pain.
There will be sunshine and rain;
There will be loss and gain.
But we must learn to smile again and again.
Have a joyful day.....!!!


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Wife: I think we need to return these glasses I got for you.
Husband: Why?
Wife: You are still not seeing things "My Way

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The good thing about Scotland is that when someone says "Aaj Desi Piyunga", - they still mean Scotch.....!!!
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Teacher: What is Life Cycle?
Pappu: It's Hard to pedal a cycle, so we shift to a bike... then we shift to more comfort, we buy a car... because of that we develop a tummy and join the Gym. In the Gym, they again give you a cycle... this is called a "Life Cycle".....!!!
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As long as everything is exactly the way I want it... I am totally flexible.....!!!
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An 'Apple' a day will keep anyone away,
if thrown hard enough.....!!!

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In 'Arabic' a 'Shawarma' means grilled meat.
In 'Gujrati' it means in the shower.....!!!

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By the account of our deeds, we can never be liberated; one makes mistakes each and every moment.
GURBANI   
What three letter word best completes the below words?
SW...
...Y
AL...
F...
W...

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Don't be a parrot in life, be an eagle. A parrot talks way too much but can't fly high but an eagle is silent and has the willpower to touch the sky.....!!!

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Balance is not something you find. It's something you create.....!!!
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The richest wealth is wisdom;
The strongest weapon is patience;
The best security is faith;
And the most effective tonic is laughter.
May God bestows you with all of them.
Good Morning.....!!! Have a lovely day

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Rohit Sharma said no for second run. It was completely Kohli's Call.
Moral: Please listen to Someone who is already married.....!!

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Indian bowlers are to Indian batsmen what Indian politicians are to Indian army.
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Alcohol is a perfect solvent:
It dissolves marriages, families and careers.....!!!

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How to find the perfect woman in two steps.
Step One - Get Married
Step Two - All other women will automatically look perfect.....!!!

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In Bihar:
Boy: Chalo Aaj Tumhein 5 Star Hotel Mein Khana Khilata Hun.
Girl: Get lost.
Boy: Achha Chalo Aao Samosa Khilata Hun.
Girl: Awwww... I love you.....!!!

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Nobody is interested in your sorrow, unless you can make a joke or a poem out of it.....!!!

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Evil is to be resisted and uprooted, but the sword is never to be struck in hatred or in anger or in spirit of revenge.

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ਬਿਨ ਭਗਤਿ ਸਕਤਿ ਨਹੀ ਪਰਤ ਪਾਨ ॥ ਬਹੁ ਕਰਤ ਹੋਮ ਅਰੁ ਜਗ ਦਾਨ ॥ ਬਿਨੁ ਏਕ ਨਾਮ ਇਕ ਚਿਤ ਲੀਨ ॥ ਫੋਕਟੋ ਸਰਬ ਧਰਮਾ ਬਿਹੀਨ ॥੨੦॥੧੪੦॥

Without the power of devotion they cannot realise the Lord. Though they perform Havans, hold Yagyas (sacrifices) and offer charities. Without the single-minded absorption in the Lord`s Name, all the religious rituals are useless. 20.140

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Soora So Pehchaniye Jo Lare Deen Ke Heth;
Purja Purja Kat Mare Kabhun Na Chhade Khet.....!!!
Hearty greetings on Saint-Soldier Guru Gobind Singh Ji's Gurpurab.....!!!

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Find out the highest possible number from 5008 by moving only 2 match sticks.

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Harsh words cannot pierce your body. If anybody speaks ill of you, just continue on unperturbed.....!!!

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No person in this world has ever been "Rewarded" for what he has "Received". 
He is always "Honoured" for what he has "Given" to others.
Good Morning.....!!!

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My friend's wife had her driving test. She got 8 out of 10.
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The other 2 jumped out of the way.....!!!

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I never mind my wife having the last word.
Infact, I am delighted when she gets to it.....!!!

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Girlfriend: Why didn't you give me anything for my birthday?
Pappu: You told me to surprise you.....!!!

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May the teachings of Guru Gobind Singh reflect goodness and compassion in you and bring into your life, the glow of happiness & prosperity.
Happy Gurpurab.....!!!

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When you kneel down in front of Guru Sahib, He stands up for you. And when He stands up for you, no one can stand against you.
Hearty greetings on Guru Gobind Singh ji's Gurpurab.....!!!

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After all the crazy, busy, hectic, hustle and bustle of the day - may the magic of night relaxes and refreshes you and makes it a Happy Ending.....!!!
Good Night.....!!!

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Countless number of times, we touch our 'Touch Phone' in a day and feel happy.
Try to touch someone's 'Heart' once in a while and they will feel more happier.
Good Morning.....!!!

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Banta: What is Alimony?
Santa: Alimony - A system wherein two people make a mistake, and one of them keeps on paying for it.....!!!

Optimist - The glass is half full.
Pessimist - The glass is half empty.
Indian Mother - Yeh Paani Ka Jhootha Glass Kisne Rakha, Yahan?

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What did the computer do at lunchtime?
Had a byte.....!!!

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Hollywood - And the Oscar goes to....
Bollywood - And the Sansui Colors Stardust Pan Parag Amba TMT Saria Bangur Cement Sasta Nahi Sabse Acha Award goes to.....

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Sanjay Dutt to be released on Feb 25.
Or maybe he is being expelled from jail for low attendance.....!!!

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With great devotion, fervor and gaiety, with rays of joy and hope - wish you and your family a very Happy Makar Sankranti.....!!!

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Running away from your problems is a race you will never win.....!!!

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Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets.
So love the ones who treat you right and forget about the ones that don't.
Good Morning.....!!!

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Mungfali Di Khushbo Te Gurh Di Mithaas, 
Makki Di Roti Te Sarso Da Saag, 
Dil Di Khushi Te Apneya Da Pyaar,
Mubarak Hove Tuhanu Lohri Da Tyohaar.....!!!
Happy Lohri.....!!!

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Thought for the day:
Cutting down on Rajmah Chawal, Chole Bhature and Mooli Ke Paranthe might bring down air pollution by 50 percent in Delhi.
Rajmah on even days and Chole on odd.....!!!

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He: Hi.....!!!
She: I have a boyfriend.
He: And I have your boyfriend. Police Station Se Bol Raha Hun, Ladkiyan Chedte Hue Pakda Geya Hai, Aa Kar Le Jao



Girl: Mujhe iPhone Lena Hai.
Boy: To Le Lo.
Girl: Kaun Si Company Ka Lun?
Boy: Patanjali Ka Le... Us Mein Virus Aur Bacteria Nahi Hote.....!!!

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May this festival of zeal and verve fill your life with lots of energy and enthusiasm and may it help you bring happiness and prosperity to you and your loved ones.
Happy Lohri to one and all.....!!!

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Wishing you a very Happy Lohri to you an your family.
May the Lohri fire burn all the moments of sadness and bring you warmth of joy, happiness and love.
Happy Lohri.....!!!

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Wishing you a prosperous and joyful Lohri,
Hope this special day marking the start of a harvest season be happy and successful for you in every way and brings prosperity with it.
Happy Lohri.....!!!

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Beauty isn't having a beautiful face. It's about having a beautiful mind, a good heart and a kind soul.
Good Morning.....!!!

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Teacher to Kejriwal: Take compass and draw a circle.
Kejriwal: Done
Teacher: Yeh Kya Banaya Hai Tedha-Medha?
Kejriwal: 'Center' Ne Saath Nahi Diya.....!!!

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Punjabi Girlfriend: Main Kaisi Lag Rahi Hun?
Bengali Boyfriend: Khoob Bhaalo.....!!!
Punjabi Girlfriend: Tera Baap Bhaaloo.....!!!

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Tamil guy takes his girlfriend on a dinner date.
Guy: My dinner treat.....!!! Come to Babu Ganeshan.
Girl: Come to what?
Guy: Babu Ganeshan, I say.
Girl: I don't know this place. I'll come to your house and you take me there.
Guy: You don't know Babu Ganeshan? Wokay, I'll take you there.
Girl and Guy both reached Babu Ganeshan.
Girl: Damn you idiot.....!!! It's pronounced as "Barbeque Nation.....!!!"

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Everyone has their share of problems.
In Delhi,

People don't know which car to take out today?

In Dubai,
People don't know which wife to take out today?

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Lighting the bonfire in Lohri symbolizes offering prayers to Goddess Agni, the Goddess of fire to shower Her blessings on the land with abundance of crops and prosperity.....!!!
May the warmth of this festival spread joy, happiness, peace and prosperity in your life

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If God can move you from January to December,
He will surely move you from Shame to Fame,
Insults to Results,
Sorry to Glory,
Disgrace to Grace,
Labour to Favour,
Mockery to Victory
And raise you from Glory to Glory.
Good Morning and have a nice day.....!!!

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Banta: Why is divorce so expensive?
Santa: Because it's worth it.

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On first Date:
Boy: Kya Logi, Beer?
Girl: Main Nahi Peeti.
Boy: To Phir Cold-drink?
Girl: Mera Matlab Main Beer Nahi Peeti, Whiskey Le Lungi.....!!!

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Boy: What do you like in me?
Girl: People change with time but you didn't.
Boy: How?
Girl: You were jobless when I met you and you're still jobless.....!!!

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The only person who listens to both sides of a husband and wife's arguments is the neighbour next door.....!!!
FUNNY / MARRIAGE  1
People who drink to escape their problems are... 
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'Booze-dils'.....!!!

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Give what you would want to receive.
That is the principle of 'Karma'.....!!!

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If you have good thoughts, they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.
Good Morning.....!!!

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Thought of the day:
All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.....!!!

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Teacher: When was Rome built?
Pappu: At night.
Teacher: How can you say that?
Pappu: Because my dad always says that Rome wasn't built in a day.....!!!


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Women don't want to hear what you think...
Women want to hear what they think in a deeper voice.....!!!

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Alcoholism:
The problem that helps you forget all your other problems.....!!!

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Broken things can become blessed things if you let God do the mending.....!!!

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Don't let someone dim your light, simply because it's disturbing for their eyes.
Good Morning.....!!!

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Banta: Why did Sanjay Dutt got jailed and Salman Khan got acquitted?
Santa: Because they both wanted it that way.
Banta: Don't understand...
Santa: Sanjay Dutt wanted to escape his wife from time to time, thus jail and even furloughs. And Salman hired the best because he didn't have a wife from who to escape.....!!!

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In Delhi, your number plate is the new cleavage.....!!!
Everyone is checking it out.....!!!

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Jeeto: What do you want for your birthday?
Santa: Just let me win an argument for once.....!!!

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Aamir: You know Kiran, seven terrorists killed in Pathankot.
Kiran: Oh God, terrorists are not safe in this country. Let's pack our bags.....!!!

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A new teacher joins school. She finds two boys similar in appearance.
Teacher asks: Twins?
Boys: No, 'Neighbours'.....!!!

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In the last few days I got many wishes for new year but this one stood out.
Here it is...
Happy New Year.
May your career soar like that of Deepika Padukone, Nitish Kumar and Sania Mirza in 2015.
May your mistakes be pardoned like Salman Khan's. 
May you be heard in family and office like Arnab Goswami. 
May your enemies be slaughtered like Aamir Khan and Mohan Bhagwat were in 2015. 
May you travel like Narendra Modi. 
May you make comebacks like Arvind Kejriwal and Yuvraj Singh.

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We don't need everything to enjoy life.
We already have 'Life' to enjoy everything.
Good Morning.....!!!

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Men never win an argument with their wife; and the only time they think they have, they realise the argument wasn't even yet over.....!!!
MARRIAGE / MEN AND WOMEN   
Bajirao Mastaani Dekh Kar Girlfriend Ne Pucha,
"Tumhari Koi Mastaani Toh Nahi Hai Na?"
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Ab Usko Kaun Samjhaye Ki Wahi Mastaani Hai... Kaashi Toh Koi Aur Hai.....!!!
GIRL AND BOY / BOLLYWOOD / HINGLISH  65
If you are feeling stressed out then make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever is bugging you.....!!!

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Stories of great discoveries:
Arya Bhatta to his wife: What are the chances of you letting me go out with friends on 31st night?
Wife: What do you think?

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Irony of Life:
When we start judging people on the basis of their clothes rather than their character.....!!!
PEOPLE   
I'm not old.
I lifted my arms,
I moved my knees,
I turned my neck...
Everything made the same noise: 'Crrrrraaaa
I came to a conclusion:
I am not old, I am crispy.....!!!

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Morning is a natural beauty, which shows us how to smile and how to love the life.
Enjoy your day. Have a blessed morning.....!!!

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Need your prayers guys, please remember me when you pray. I'm scheduled for an optical appointment next Monday to have my eyes checked and possible procedure. Problems started just after the long Winter Break - every time I look in my wallet, I see nothing.....!!!

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Reality is an illusion caused by alcohol deficiency.....!!!

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Customer: Excuse me, this coffee tastes like mud.
Waiter: Yes sir, it's freshly ground.....!!!

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What is the definition of Surround Sound System?
Wife in the front seat of the car and her mother in the rear seat.....!!!

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Ladki: Tum Kab Tak Mere Sath Rehna Chahte Ho?
Ladke Ne Apna Ek Aansu Samandar Mein Giraya Aur Bola Jab Tak Tum Yeh Na Dhoond Lo.
Yeh Sunn Ke Samandar Buhut Bhovak Hokar Bola, "Saale Itni Drame Baziyaan Kahan Se Seekhte Ho?"

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Cut off fake people for real reasons;
Not real people for fake reasons.....!!!

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ਖੁਦੀ ਮਿਟੀ ਤਬ ਸੁਖ ਭਏ ਮਨ ਤਨ ਭਏ ਅਰੋਗ।। (ਅੰਗ - ੨੬੦)
ਹਉਮੈ ਦੂਰ ਹੋਏ ਤਾਂ ਆਤਮਕ ਆਨੰਦ ਮਿਲਦਾ ਹੈ। ਮਨ ਤੇ ਤਨ ਨਰੋਏ ਹੋ ਜਾਂਦੇ ਹਨ।
As pride vanishes - peace prevails; mind and body are healed.

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Relation with nice people is like ice cubes.
You break, crush, squeeze, beat and grind them... still they chill your life.
Good Morning.....!!!

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Wish a rocking birthday party to the little hero.....!!!
KIDS BIRTHDAY   
He: Your name please?
She: 📌 🔑
He: What?
She: Pinki

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A girl uploaded an album titled "Bhaiya's Wedding" on Facebook and it has 63 pictures, just selfies. Bhaiya is nowhere to be seen.....!!!

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Forget the things that made you sad and remember those that made you glad.
Forget the troubles that passed away and remember the blessings that come each day.
Good Morning.....!!!

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Starbucks is planning on selling beer and wine, apparently it's getting difficult to sell sober people a 12 cup of coffee.....!!!

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Officer to CO: Sir Chutti Chahiye
CO: Ek Sharat Par Milegi, Ye Batao, Kattapa Ne Bahubali Ko Kyon Mara?
Office: Sir, Kattapa Ko Chutti Nahi Di Hogi.

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Every time you talk to your wife, you should always remind yourself...
'This conversation will be recorded for training and quality purposes'.....!!!

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The volatile stock market affects human beings and their best friends...
Message from China:
Last month, market was good, my dog what I ate.
Last week, market was bad, I ate what my dog ate.
Yesterday, market crashed, I ate my dog.

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Very effective threat by wife in new style:
Tum Jitna Time Facebook, WhatsApp, Twitter Ko Doge, Main Utna Time Flipkart, Amazon, Snapdeal Ko Dungi.....!!!

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A Donkey is tied to a rope 6 feet long and there is a bale of hay 8 feet away. How can the donkey get to the hay if he does not bite or undo the rope?

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Enjoy the flight of sweet dreams and have a memorable and pleasureful landing tomorrow morning.
Good Night.....!!!

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Hard work is just a word to scare people who do not love their work.
The actual fact is when you love your work so much, you almost never find it hard.....!!!
Good Morning.....!!!

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Thought of the day:
An empty glass gives you an opportunity to have another 'Drink

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Marriage is really tough sometimes, because...
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you have to deal with feelings and lawyers.....!!!

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The worst way to locate your glasses is by the sound they make when you step on them.....!!!

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Waking up every day in a peaceful nation is not as easy as it may seem to be.
We all need to be proud of it's constitution which has ensured peaceful co-existence to people of all races, castes and creed.
Happy 26 January.....!!!@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@